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Dear Stephen

Updated: Jun 22, 2018

Dear Stephen,

I’ve been meaning to write you a letter for the better part of a year. I got international stamps and, every time I see them in my desk drawer, I think, “oh I should write Stephen a letter.” But I figure tagging you in chicken nugget videos on Facebook would make up for the fact that I haven’t yet, and I’ll just give you the stamp when I see you. Maybe you’ll be the better friend and use the stamp to actually mail somebody a letter with it? (Signs point to no but I continue to look for the best in you.)

How is Japan by the way? I’m still confused as to why you said you miss sunsets now that it’s warm. Could you please explain? It’s warm in Phoenix all the time and the sun still sets. Had no idea Japan was so strict on its laws with the sun. What else are they strict about? Phoenix is strict about not letting you turn left, like, ever. People get REAL MAD if you try and turn left during rush hour and will basically try and kill you. Lee saw a gun get pulled once. Wild Wild West, amirite?

Aside from the gun thing, how stoked are you to come visit?? I have a list in my phone of all the places we should go to eat because honestly what else would we do? I’ve lost 10 pounds since we stopped hanging out. It could be from Chelsea forcing me to go to the gym or constantly sweating in the desert, but i’m pretty sure it’s just because everybody else is way judgier about what qualifies as a single serving of pizza. You’ll also meet Lane when you’re here. She can’t eat tacos but she will for sure try and eat your face. She’s cute when her teeth aren’t near anything sensitive. I’ve told her all about you.

I’ve actually told everybody about you. It’s weird that I start like 9 out of 10 stories with “haha well my friend Stephen and I…”. My only new friend in the desert and I were talking the other night about…something I forget…and I told her the story of how our friendship (yours and mine) evolved super quickly. We literally went from strangers, to one party, to drilling holes in a pumpkin after a vineyard tour in no time at all! As of yet, no one in the desert has offered to let me operate power tools while drunk, but I’m optimistically holding out for the opportunity.

I feel like the older we get the weirder it is to make friends. We just talk about our old ones with new people and hope that our old ones move back. This is also a friendly reminder that we have a second bedroom AND live across the street from a brewery, taco shop, and new pizza place. Please read that friendly reminder as me begging you. I’ve tried to replace you like you and Dave tried to replace me for YEARS and it’s just not working. Hope you didn’t actually replace me in Japan because then this entire letter would be awkward.

The countdown is officially on for your return. Can’t wait to see you the minute you get back!

With love,

Your favorite fake girlfriend

(Ally, in case you did replace me)


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